Crooked
It was quite possibly the most difficult year of my youth but one of the most defining times of my life. I’m pretty sure I can describe myself back then as a semi-athletic but awkward 5th grader, capable enough to do the things other boys in my grade did, but not as socially accepted as the other guys. I was always left out of the conversations and I wasn’t ever included in the laughter; in fact, most of the time the laughter was about me. Either the way I ran crooked so my legs didn’t look right or some other reason to poke fun, they always cut me right where it hurt, my self-esteem. I was never good enough to be one of the guys, and they let me know every chance they could. Fortunately for me I had people around me that were more mature than 13 year-old boys to re-enforce the truth that my self worth didn’t depend on what my peers thought of me.
Listening to adults became very important during this time of my life, because I began to figure out whom I could trust and that it really didn’t matter what other people thought about how you run, speak or look. As a result of this sudden respect I gained for a wiser generation I began to understand that character mattered more. The way I reacted to the name calling and the bullying would reflect what kind of person I’d become after all was said and done. Knowing this and acting it out could have been one of the most difficult feats of my entire childhood.
I still remember the afternoons on the playground being picked last to play kickball, believing that my physical flaw and the names I was called were the only things holding me back from being like everyone else. I remember praying that God would fix it so I could run more gracefully so that other kids wouldn’t make fun of me. All along the mature adults would tell me I was a good kid, well behaved and a great example, but I just wanted to be accepted by the kids at school.
This week I was thinking about this particular chapter in my life 10 years ago and I have to thank God that I don’t have to deal with the same false feelings of worth. I thank Him for bringing me through those hard times with so much to learn and now having the opportunity to share with others, and of course for answering those tear-drawn prayers to let me run like a normal kid. “There’s a reason for all of it,” my mom used to say. I believe her now. It was all about my character reflecting His.
you write crooked…
(that was a joke)
i’m learning a lot about character in my life right now…
this post is quite encouraging…
miss you friend…
Wow!!! Do you realize how many people that have gone through the same thing you did as a young person and had to wait until they were in their mid=life to come to the understanding and maturity to grasp Gods Love as you enplained in your blog. Praise God!!!! I think your great and always have thought your waters ran deep. Ask your mother. love you
Run Forrest Run,all the way to your shrimp boat.I love you Christopher,never different,just very special,very very special.God Bless you.